Discussion board 1.4: Trends of marriage and divorce

In Amato’s article on divorce, I noticed how much the state of a family can really impact the development and well-being of children in that family. The condition of a family can affect the cognitive or academic, psychological or emotional and social development of a child. The impact varies depending upon gender, race, and quality of parenting. He discusses the various types of families that exist today: children who live with biological parents who are married, children in single-parent homes due to divorce, children who live in single-parent homes due to a death in the family, children living in a “discordant two-parent family,” and children in a step family situation. All of these environments can truly influence children’s development as they grow towards adolescence and eventually adulthood. The effect of parenting upon children can in turn shape society.

These various life experiences within a family could be beneficial or detrimental to a child. I know for myself how some of things in the article were true for me because of my own personal family experiences. I grew up in a family with biological parents who were married, yet we had some conflict in the family among siblings and parents. My parents did the best they could coming from their own families. They were both high school graduates with some college education. They are religious, which helps with stability in the home. I know that family dynamics aren’t always perfect, but I firmly believe that having an ideal pattern to live up to and work towards can help to ensure that children are receiving what they need, so that they can develop properly.

 Based upon my own personal beliefs that derive from my religious beliefs, I believe that children growing up in a family with two parents who are married will have greater success in life. There is so much stress that children are exposed to because of life in general that they need a safe place they can go to. Children need a place that they can thrive in their development. I think about the Maslow Hierarchy of needs. We have needs that are met in a particular order according to Maslow. We have physical needs as the foundation, then upon that comes the needs for our safety, love and belonging, self-esteem, and the highest being self-actualization. If a child’s need for safety in a home is absent, then one might assume that they wouldn’t be able to feel love and belonging that they need, which would be the next step or need. Feeling safe comes before feeling as though he/she belongs somewhere. I know that if I didn’t feel safe, that I may inwardly close myself off to others for fear of being hurt. This would prevent me from being able to connect with others leaving an absence of the need for love and belonging. I agree that there is an order to things and that the development of children rests heavily upon the parents. When parents do all they can to have a healthy home environment, regardless of their current circumstances, then children will be able to develop and thrive. 

        I have seen the outcome of divorce on children. I see the division and I see the turmoil. It is unfortunate that these things happen. It is sad that kids are part of the aftermath where they are having to pick up the pieces. This disrupts their development and could impair it. These sad things happen all around us. There are various belief systems in response to family and divorce. I firmly believe in a two parent married situation for kids because of the benefits that come from it for all involved.

      I am not saying that it isn't easy to stay married when there is so much discord, but too often the only option considered is divorce. People want a way out when it becomes hard. I would encourage people to look at some other alternatives. There are other choices that could keep the family together. Obviously, there might be things such as abuse that need to be considered and a counselor or religious leader could help the spouse in that regard. Sometimes, divorce is the only option to save the family. However, when there is conflict, I believe that constructive communication is often the key to resolving things. Conflict usually arises between two people because they have an opposing opinion, they have a deep conviction on a position or there is a goal that they want to acquire. This contrast in goals can lead to defending themselves which could cause a person to perceive the other as a threat. In turn the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse (destructive communication patterns) can ensue as has been taught in my conflict management class and from the textbook in this class on marriage. It can damage each individual as well as the relationship.

 I have seen how a transformation can take place as a result of applying constructive communication techniques. My marriage textbook which is called, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," discusses how friendship is a foundation to build upon in a marriage, next constructive communication, and in my other textbook, "Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage: Eternal Doctrines that Change Relationships," it discusses the importance of applying the gospel in one's life and marriage. I know that as gospel principles are followed individually and collectively it can help heal a marriage. Saving a marriage, a union is so important. From a class discussion board a girl mentioned how marriage is more than a piece of paper. It is a special and sacred union between two people who promise to give their all. Sometimes, giving our all is sacrificing our faults and giving them to the savior who can help us see our errors and grow. He will turn our weaknesses into strengths and build a marriage that can be stronger than it has ever been. 

     Marriage is a special union. In that union, two become one. The wife let's go of her way, the husband let's go of his way and they create their way (Stephen R. Covey's book, The 3rd Alternative)

Thanks to a fellow classmate, I chose to add to this. Marriage is important. Let's give it all we got.

 

“Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a theory”

Sources:

Amato, Paul R. The impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Wellbeing of the Next Generation. 

*reminder of hierarchy order from Google search, a triangular/Pyramid image that lists the order (Wikipedia.org)
Gollard, H. Wallace. Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. Joymap Publishing, Cedar Hills, Utah. 2009. Electronic version of Printed book. 
Gottman and Silver. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press, New York, New York. Random House, Inc. 1999. Print