Finances

 

What specific thoughts or lessons shared by Poduska are most relevant and applicable to you as you either prepare for marriage or adjust to financial challenges in marriage?

 

I really enjoyed reading Poduska’s lessons about finances. I especially enjoyed the part about the birth order clusters. As it listed the birth order of first-born, second-born, middle child, and last born, I began to see myself and my husband in the descriptions. He is not a first-born child, but he sure resembles the characteristics of a first-born. He is excellent with finances, he knows how to manage money effectively and plan purchases. He is very responsible. He did have some control issues when we were first married because my habits didn’t jive with his, but he has gotten better. I have improved a great deal as well. I do appreciate the opportunity that I have had to learn so much from him. My style was and has been that of the middle child and last born placement descriptions. I was the baby for 5 years, then two more siblings joined our family, so I feel that the combination of the two types of descriptions have set the way for how I am. Poduska explains middle born children are budget followers, but they seek to please others. I was and can be a people pleaser at times. I want to feel accepted or loved, instead of rejected. Therefore, I buy elaborate gifts in order to be “wanted” so to speak. I do struggle with this a lot, especially around this time of the year, Christmas time. I want to buy everything for everyone.

I can take on the last born spot because I was used to being the baby for a while and got what I wanted. There are many times where I am self-indulgent. I am better than I was, but I am still paying for decisions I made in previous years because of the debt I accrued. It is a sad and long road to get rid of debt. I feel like I am in bondage. I have strived to overcome my tendencies by working within a budget, but I often feel like the “scarcity” rears its ugly head to make me make impulsive or emotional decisions, instead of being mindful with my purchases. My husband surely does ground me by preventing me from getting carried away. I am thankful for him. He is the string to my kite.

 Financial freedom requires us to be grounded, so that we can soar higher. Idea from reading and understanding that the financial strategies are important to follow.

Google search “kite”: http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=kite+clipart&FORM=HDRSC2

 

In what ways do you think a couple and family could benefit from having a weekly couple council? Moreover, what are the specific principles highlighted by Elder Ballard that would especially be relevant and applicable to a couple council?

 

I think a weekly council is a brilliant idea. I think it gives a couple a change to come together on the goals that they have been working on individually and collectively. I think it gives each person a chance to share their ideas, thoughts, concerns, hopes, etc. It lets everyone be heard and make a contribution to the group. It provides people with the opportunity to receive inspiration from others. I know that I often get greater insight when I listen to my husband comment on my thoughts, goals, etc. Usually when we combine our efforts we get great results or experience a lot of synergy. It truly energizes us when we can brainstorm and plan things out together. My husband has many gifts and talents that I don’t have and vice versa. It give us to chance to share, help, and serve one another.

In Elder Ballard’s book, I found it quite fascinating the process which the councils counsel together. They seek to work together and create unity. I think that is the part that stands out to me as the most important aspect of a council. I think striving for unity is key. It allows all involved to be heard and requires members to be respectful and understanding. When the members of the council are allowed to freely and openly share their thoughts and feelings, it gives others a chance to see a new perspective. We all have bits and truth as is suggested by Elder Ucthdorf from a talk about truth. We all have bits of truth and if we can share our truth with others, it not only enlarges their truth, but it enlarges our own truth as well. I love being able to see the difference of opinion or points of view of another person. I consider that they see something that I don’t, so listening and seeking to understand may broaden my own understanding. All are edified as I am sure this would be Christ’s goal. He wants us all to grow, learn, and develop. This can best be accomplished if we are all working together. That unity is vital to the success of the gospel and our own goals.

 

Intimacy

Discussion Board

 

1. As a married person, what are some wise precautions you will take to safeguard your marriage from infidelity?

I want to remember the PowerPoint that shared the “Progression of Unfaithfulness.” I really liked the steps listed to help us see how something so innocent can lead a person away from their partner and cause the relationship to become severed.

–        Behaviors that seem innocent (i.e., missionary work, doing good, helping in some capacity)

–        An affection grows that claims part of one’s heart

–        Extramarital flirting.  Justification-“no harm intended”

–        Relationship declared as “special”

–        Opportunities created to see “special friend” (One worries what others will say/think)

–        Excuses made, lies told to hide time and resources spent on other person

 

–        Spouse is displaced. Emotional intimacy exchanged with “special friend”

–        Faultfinding with spouse

–        Fantasies about other person

–        Physical affection– a squeeze, a kiss, a hug

–        Sexual relations

2. In marriage, what will you do to help protect yourself and your spouse from the damaging influence of pornography?

Marriage is a sacred union that comes from joining two people in a temple sealing. It is an eternal principle, a godhood principle. This union provides strength and power from on high. We have been endowed with the power to have our union stand the test of time and I would say it can stand the test of trials too. It was declared in The Book of Mormon, in 1 Nephi 3:7 that “…the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.” God has prepared a way for each one of us to obey His commandments. It is not that He will only prepare a way for us if we immediately obey. He has prepared a way for us to fulfill His commandments even when we have strayed. When we stray, we are able to repent and turn to Him. There are many evils in the world, which one being a very potent weapon of the adversary is pornography. It can ensnare anyone, man or woman. It can take hold of that person and not only damage the user, but it can damage surrounding loved ones. It is something that the world accepts as “normal,” but this mentality or acceptance doesn’t stop the bad influence it can cause. The way we can protect ourselves from pornography is to use prevention techniques and if pornography does invade a relationship, that couple can rise above it by using the intervention plan of the atonement. The person can repent and turn unto Christ and towards his/her family. An important thing to remember is that the prevention and intervention plan is somewhat similar. Each requires us to turn to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. If we seek to follow their teachings, then we can build up a spiritual reserve that will help us to overcome the temptations of the adversary that seeks to take a hold of our hearts. We need to always turn to the Savior. The other thing is to build up the relationship. A relationship can only become strong if both are giving all of their energy, time, and talents to building it up. If a person is caught in the snare of pornography, then they are not cleaving unto their spouse as the scriptures instruct. A person needs to be proactive in seeking to give total allegiance, devotion, and attention to their spouse. The energy and attention given to the spouse will be a safeguard against giving attention to pornography or even a person. Infidelity can be emotional or physical. The damage that can come is a loss of trust. Restoring trust in a relationship is hard to do and it can take a long time.

The damage can be extensive for all involved:

The State of the Nation Report: Fractured Families gives some great information on the topic. I think a couple needs to be prepared with information on what to look for and what can result from someone having this type of addiction. It gives details of what can happen:

·         Normalization of adverse reactions to offensive material;

• Developing tolerance toward sexually explicit material, thereby requiring more novel or bizarre material to achieve the same level of arousal or interest;

• Misperceptions of exaggerated sexual activity in the general populace;

• Overestimating the prevalence of less common sexual practices (e.g., group sex, bestiality, and sadomasochistic activity);

• Diminished trust in intimate partners;

• Abandoning the goal of sexual exclusivity with a partner;

• Perceiving promiscuity as a normal state of interaction;

• Perceiving sexual inactivity as constituting a health risk;

• Developing cynical attitudes about love;

• Believing superior sexual satisfaction is attainable without having affection for one’s partner;

• Believing marriage is sexually confining;

• Believing that raising children and having a family is as an unattractive prospect; and

• Developing a negative body image, especially for women.

 

Some of the problems pornography can lead to:

• Distorted view of women and sexual relationship, including normalising unusual and deviant sexual practices

• Secretive and addictive behaviour

• Marriage problems, including loss of trust and respect, and sometimes one partner being forced into acts they are not happy with

• Financial difficulties, including in extreme cases, loss of job. Increasingly employers are monitoring their employees’ use of the Internet. If you are accessing pornography at work, your employer may bring disciplinary proceedings leading to dismissal

• Loss of attention towards family - spouse and children

• Children seeing pornography on the computer, which may develop unhealthy attitudes towards sex and women

• Other “cybersex” activities, including on and offline meetings with others

• Guilt and feelings of low self-esteem

• Crimes, including accessing child pornography

These are only a few, but the risks involved are worth learning and being educated about. The more a couple is equipped with knowledge the better they will be to safeguard against such issues.

"The State of the Nation Report: Fractured Families." December 2006; Appendix 5: Pornography, sexual infidelity and family breakdown.

 

3. What are the most important prophetic teachings on physical intimacy you want to remember?

 

“The first commandment given to man was to multiply and replenish the earth with children. That commandment have never been altered, modified, or cancelled. The Lord did not say to multiply and replenish the earth if it is convenient, or if you are wealthy, or after you have gotten your schooling, or when there is peace on earth, or until you have four children. The Bible says, ‘Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord:…Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them…’ (Ps. 127:3,5.) We believe God is glorified by having numerous children and a program of perfection for them. So also will God glorify that husband and wife who have a large posterity and who have tried to raise them up in righteousness.”

- Elder Ezra Taft Benson, Conference Report, Apr. 1969, 12.

 

I like this quote because it shows how intimacy is more than involving the two individuals. It involves God, the couple, and their future children. This mentality goes beyond what the world sees. It is more glorious as well. The world views intimacy as a one-night stand or a fulfillment or gratification of a single individual. The focus is selfish. Intimacy was created for the union of a woman and a man and for that union to extend unto creating children. When you take marriage out of the equation as the world has done it has led to many problems and broken homes. When a couple sees beyond themselves and looks at the bigger picture, their decisions impact them, but many others including God and their children. If we follow God’s pattern, then we will surely be able to create a home for our family that abounds in love and peace. Those are the blessings of the Father. He bestows happiness and peace upon those who obey His commands. He not only blesses the couple, but the children who belong to that couple. This earth was created for families. The Plan of Salvation was created for families. Families is central to God’s plans and goals for His children. He desires us all to come back to live with Him as families. It makes sense that intimacy or union of the couple is the foundation for a family. If the parents are united, then they can raise their kids together using their unique roles and gifts. All of it comes together as one complete whole. A couple joined together become one. Children are born to that couple and become one family. It is part of the beautiful plan of our Father. He has designed it the way He has because it works and because it produces the greatest joy leads us to eternal life.

Gottman's and Goddard's books

What is the most important thing you learned from Gottman's book?
          Gottman's book was a great read for me because it helped me to learn some new things that I had not thought of before. I have always felt that communication in marriage is very important. However, Gottman explains how friendship is the foundation that is needed before communication can even be attempted. I felt that Gottman went over in detail how to reestablish this friendship if it has been lost. He explains that love maps need to be enhanced, we need to nurture fondness and admiration, we need to turn toward each other instead of away, we needto let our partner influence us, we need to cope and solve problems together as a couple, we can overcome gridlock by following the steps that he suggests, and we need to create meaning. All of these with the myraid of other suggestions within the main sugegstions were given. The feedback I needed was to focus on my husband's virtues, sacrifice for him, and seek to connect with him by valuing him "...during the grind of everyday life" (Gottman, p. 80). Turning to my husband is something that I will continue to do. I want to continue to check in and be there for him. I know that by focusing on his strengths and giving more appreciation for him that I will find greater love in my marriage. I will be able to rid myself of the four horsemen of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. I need to be proactive, instead of reactive. When a conflict or gridlock arises, I can remember that there is an underlying interest, goal, or dream that I am seeking to protect without even realizing it. As I become aware, I will be able to change for the better, which will in turn provide help me improve my contribution to my marriage.

What is the most important thing you learned from Goddard's book?
    The most important thing that I learned from Goddard's book is about applying the gospel in my life and focusing on the virtues of my husband. I need to change my heart in order to improve my marriage.
Goddard states,
"So the message of research and the gospel are the same: We should enjoy and appreciate our partners. We should forgive them of their humanness. The single most promising marriage-fixing effort is not tinkering with our partner's characters; it is in loving, cherishing, and appreciating them!...Good marriage partners become serious talent scouts. In fact, like good parents who exaggerate their children's good qualities, good marriage partners are likely to exaggerate their spouses' strengths."
"Instead, what would happen if we dropped all charges against those around us and, for their sakes, happily sacrificed all bitter satisfaction, all retribution, all demand for repayment, all vengeance without regret or second thoughts." He continues by saying, "We need more than a set of skills for expressing discontent and requesting changes. We need a change of heart. the only way to build a truly healthy marriage is by being a truly good person-to be changed in our very natures."
These quotes among many more help to illustrate that marriage comes from two people becoming one. We are to turn to each other and to Christ who will help our marriage become strong. If we are hit with a flare up of the natural man tendencies (our cellar rats come out), then we can remember the instructions that Christ has given. He has invited us to come unto Him and change. We can sacrifice our natural man responses or reactions by choosing a better way. We can sacrifice or give our sins to the Lord. He wants us to come unto him humbly and ask for help in overcoming our sins and mistakes. He has atoned for the sins of all of us. He knows what we are dealing with and how to overcome them. He knows how to help replace them or convert them into gospel principles that can become a strength unto us. We can develop and grow in the gospel and see it go from a deficit to a great asset. We will see it go from a habit to a character trait. Others will see us and they will see a reflection of Christ in our lives. This will heal not only our hearts and lives, but the heart of our marriage as well. Christ truly wants all of us to succeed. He has the best way to achieve success in this life, in marriage, and in the life to come. If we turn to Him, we will be saved and so will our marriages.

Pride, Anger, and Lack of Forgiveness

1. At the end of chapter 7, Gottman highlights the importance of forgiveness in marriage. Explain why forgiveness is so vital to a strong marriage. Share an example that illustrates the importance of forgiveness in marriage. 

 

Pride, anger, and lack of forgiveness have been difficult sins for me to control in my life.  

 

Elder Robbins in the Ensign article, Agency and Anger, discusses how becoming angry "is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry." He continues by saying, “Aggression, … suppressing the anger, talking about it, screaming and yelling,” are all learned strategies in dealing with anger. We choose the one that has proved effective for us in the past." He quotes Christ who said, "Can ye be angry, and not sin?" All of these led up to a very simple yet profound statement, "And we can make that choice today, right now: “I will never become angry again.” 

 

From these chosen excerpts, I have come to see how my anger has controlled me throughout my life. I allow it to influence my decisions which has lead to treating others unkindly, especially my husband. My anger is never violent. I mainly get loud in my tone and I am accusatory, it is essentially the four horsemen (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling). When I get angry, it intertwines with pride and I choose to withhold forgiveness as well as choosing to not say sorry. I avoid taking ownership of my mistakes. If I perceive the other has the cause, and I know I am right, then it is even worse. I close myself off from the other person's influence. Over the years, I have chosen to understand and resolve issues rather than getting angry. Sometimes, I relapse unconsciously. It is usually when I am reactive. I react instead of choosing a more appropriate response. It has been difficult for me to be forgiving when I have been wronged. I seek justice and for fairness to be restored through the other person correcting their mistake. I expect them to pay their debt or to rectify the situation. When others do not meet my expectation, it is hard to regain my trust. This causes a barrier between me and the other person. 

 

Christ has shown us a better way. I have come to see that the Savior has paid their debt already (line crosses out words for emphasis to indicate that He has paid it in full as though it is not there any more). He paid the price for their sin. I am supposed to turn to Him and forgive the other person. Christ is able to restore what they took from me. He is able to not only restore what they took, but He is able to make me whole. Turning to Christ is like the key to that door. Christ is waiting at the door of forgiveness ready to help us heal. He in turn is seeking to help the person who caused the pain to overcome their sin or weakness. Christ is able to heal and restore the relationship to make it whole. I know that this has happened in my marriage. Engaging in the four horsemen has caused me to hurt my husband's emotional state. I had to turn to Christ and ask for forgiveness and let Him change me. In turn, I had to say sorry and ask for forgiveness from my husband.

 

He forgives me more readily than anyone I have ever known. His example of forgiveness has shown me the blessings that come from forgiveness. He shows me love, understanding, and support. He seeks to help me overcome my weaknesses. His ability to sacrifice his own pain by giving it to the Savior has shown that the process of healing can come to both people. I have overcome many sins because of my dear husband. He truly has loved me by looking past my sins and seeing my potential. 

 

 I can see that if I am a little more understanding, loving, and kind, that I can help others overcome their mistakes and sins. The forgiveness I extend can enrich and bless their lives. There are times when the sin is intentional or unintentional. The ones I struggle with most are the intentional sins. Those who knowingly wrong me. That is what I struggle with because I feel like maybe they do not care or love me enough to not do it. I know I can't fully know the other person's heart. Only Christ knows them. What He has asked me to do is to forgive. Therefore, I will choose to not be angry and turn to Christ in order to forgive the debt of the other person for I know Christ has already paid it and will help heal me so that I can become whole. I can also pray for the other person. I have often done this and Christ has shown me that I need to change something that I am doing. This goes back to pride. It can sometimes make us blind to what is happening. I could be the one who misunderstood and I need to be forgiven. Remaining humble and repentant are my goals because by doing them it will bring me peace and healing. 

"Beware of Pride"

What are a few quotes from President Benson that made you really think?

 

President Ezra Taft Benson's talk was outstanding. I know I have read it in the past, but reading it through at this point in my life help to reveal some things about me that I had not considered before. It was very enlightening and inspiring.

 

Some lines from his talk that stood out to me the most...

1) Enmity (pride): "hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition." The part that stood out to me the most is the "state of opposition". It makes me think about when I get into a conflict with others I am in opposition to them. If I am not trying to be open,understanding, respectful, and willing to work something out, then I'm in a state of opposition and I'm cultivating contention. Christ desires for me to be loving and filled with charity by being open, allowing others to influence me (Goddard), being understanding, considering other viewpoints, brainstorming a solution with others, taking accountability for my actions, and being forgiving as well as many other attributes that help me to be humble.

2) I like when he says that pride is a damning sin because it limits or stops progression. I like this because it helps me to see the direction of pride and humility. One closes us off from receiving more or learning more, while the other opens us up to new experiences, ideas, and learning new things. I believe we all have nuts of truth and we can share them with each other to expand the truth which we currently have. It reminds me of the talk by Elder Uchtdorf about truth. I can't remember the title but he does excellent with helping to show we all have pieces of truth and that it is important to obtain more truth. 

 

Based on your observations or life experiences, what have you learned about pride?

 

I have learned that pride has many faces. It isn't very clear other than President Benson's point that pride is enmity towards God and our fellow man. The reason I think pride takes on many forms is because it involves the heart. Other sins, such as gossiping or having an argument, appear to be the only sins manifested, but Benson points out that they stem from pride. It makes me think about times when I am more concerned about the opinions of others. I am showing pride in those instances which I had not thought of before. The root of my issues comes from pride, so if I forsake that sin of pride then I'll be able to apply the atonement and convert my pride into humility through Christ. As I do open myself up to His influence, then I'll see a transformation come over me. 

Another thing that I have learned about pride based upon my own personal experiences is that pride can be acting superior at the expense of others, but it also acting as a victim on the other end, so acting inferior. This idea came from a marriage class I took at Church. If I act inferior or as the victim then I might be focusing only on my own pain, my own needs which shows the selfishness aspect of pride.

 

I felt that the assigned reading has been very beneficial. I have learned a lot so far and I look forward to applying the principles in my life.

 

The talk has been copy and pasted for your convenience.

Found @ LDS.org:https://www.lds.org/ensign/1989/05/beware-of-pride?lang=eng

 

 

 

Beware of Pride

President Ezra Taft Benson

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Beware of Pride

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My beloved brethren and sisters, I rejoice to be with you in another glorious general conference of the Church. How grateful I am for the love, prayers, and service of the devoted members of the Church throughout the world.

May I commend you faithful Saints who are striving to flood the earth and your lives with the Book of Mormon. Not only must we move forward in a monumental manner more copies of the Book of Mormon, but we must move boldly forward into our own lives and throughout the earth more of its marvelous messages.

This sacred volume was written for us—for our day. Its scriptures are to be likened unto ourselves. (See 1 Ne. 19:23.)

The Doctrine and Covenants tells us that the Book of Mormon is the “record of a fallen people.” (D&C 20:9.) Why did they fall? This is one of the major messages of the Book of Mormon. Mormon gives the answer in the closing chapters of the book in these words: “Behold, the pride of this nation, or the people of the Nephites, hath proven their destruction.” (Moro. 8:27.) And then, lest we miss that momentous Book of Mormon message from that fallen people, the Lord warns us in the Doctrine and Covenants, “Beware of pride, lest ye become as the Nephites of old.” (D&C 38:39.)

I earnestly seek an interest in your faith and prayers as I strive to bring forth light on this Book of Mormon message—the sin of pride. This message has been weighing heavily on my soul for some time. I know the Lord wants this message delivered now.

In the premortal council, it was pride that felled Lucifer, “a son of the morning.” (2 Ne. 24:12–15; see also D&C 76:25–27; Moses 4:3.) At the end of this world, when God cleanses the earth by fire, the proud will be burned as stubble and the meek shall inherit the earth. (See 3 Ne. 12:5, 3 Ne. 25:1; D&C 29:9; JS—H 1:37; Mal. 4:1.)

Three times in the Doctrine and Covenants the Lord uses the phrase “beware of pride,” including a warning to the second elder of the Church, Oliver Cowdery, and to Emma Smith, the wife of the Prophet. (D&C 23:1; see also D&C 25:14; D&C 38:39.)

Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance. (See Mosiah 3:11; 3 Ne. 6:18.) In the scriptures there is no such thing as righteous pride—it is always considered a sin. Therefore, no matter how the world uses the term, we must understand how God uses the term so we can understand the language of holy writ and profit thereby. (See 2 Ne. 4:15; Mosiah 1:3–7; Alma 5:61.)

Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing.

The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.

Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s. When we direct our pride toward God, it is in the spirit of “my will and not thine be done.” As Paul said, they “seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s.” (Philip. 2:21.)

Our will in competition to God’s will allows desires, appetites, and passions to go unbridled. (See Alma 38:12; 3 Ne. 12:30.)

The proud cannot accept the authority of God giving direction to their lives. (See Hel. 12:6.) They pit their perceptions of truth against God’s great knowledge, their abilities versus God’s priesthood power, their accomplishments against His mighty works.

Our enmity toward God takes on many labels, such as rebellion, hard-heartedness, stiff-neckedness, unrepentant, puffed up, easily offended, and sign seekers. The proud wish God would agree with them. They aren’t interested in changing their opinions to agree with God’s.

Another major portion of this very prevalent sin of pride is enmity toward our fellowmen. We are tempted daily to elevate ourselves above others and diminish them. (See Hel. 6:17; D&C 58:41.)

The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. In the words of C. S. Lewis: “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10.)

In the pre-earthly council, Lucifer placed his proposal in competition with the Father’s plan as advocated by Jesus Christ. (See Moses 4:1–3.) He wished to be honored above all others. (See 2 Ne. 24:13.) In short, his prideful desire was to dethrone God. (See D&C 29:36; D&C 76:28.)

The scriptures abound with evidences of the severe consequences of the sin of pride to individuals, groups, cities, and nations. “Pride goeth before destruction.” (Prov. 16:18.) It destroyed the Nephite nation and the city of Sodom. (See Moro. 8:27; Ezek. 16:49–50.)

It was through pride that Christ was crucified. The Pharisees were wroth because Jesus claimed to be the Son of God, which was a threat to their position, and so they plotted His death. (See John 11:53.)

Saul became an enemy to David through pride. He was jealous because the crowds of Israelite women were singing that “Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” (1 Sam. 18:6–8.)

The proud stand more in fear of men’s judgment than of God’s judgment. (See D&C 3:6–7; D&C 30:1–2; D&C 60:2.) “What will men think of me?” weighs heavier than “What will God think of me?”

King Noah was about to free the prophet Abinadi, but an appeal to his pride by his wicked priests sent Abinadi to the flames. (See Mosiah 17:11–12.) Herod sorrowed at the request of his wife to behead John the Baptist. But his prideful desire to look good to “them which sat with him at meat” caused him to kill John. (Matt. 14:9; see also Mark 6:26.)

Fear of men’s judgment manifests itself in competition for men’s approval. The proud love “the praise of men more than the praise of God.” (John 12:42–43.) Our motives for the things we do are where the sin is manifest. Jesus said He did “always those things” that pleased God. (John 8:29.) Would we not do well to have the pleasing of God as our motive rather than to try to elevate ourselves above our brother and outdo another?

Some prideful people are not so concerned as to whether their wages meet their needs as they are that their wages are more than someone else’s. Their reward is being a cut above the rest. This is the enmity of pride.

When pride has a hold on our hearts, we lose our independence of the world and deliver our freedoms to the bondage of men’s judgment. The world shouts louder than the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. The reasoning of men overrides the revelations of God, and the proud let go of the iron rod. (See 1 Ne. 8:19–28; 1 Ne. 11:25; 1 Ne. 15:23–24.)

Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves. Most of us consider pride to be a sin of those on the top, such as the rich and the learned, looking down at the rest of us. (See 2 Ne. 9:42.) There is, however, a far more common ailment among us—and that is pride from the bottom looking up. It is manifest in so many ways, such as faultfinding, gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting, withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and jealous.

Disobedience is essentially a prideful power struggle against someone in authority over us. It can be a parent, a priesthood leader, a teacher, or ultimately God. A proud person hates the fact that someone is above him. He thinks this lowers his position.

Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. “How everything affects me” is the center of all that matters—self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking.

Pride results in secret combinations which are built up to get power, gain, and glory of the world. (See Hel. 7:5; Ether 8:9, 16, 22–23; Moses 5:31.) This fruit of the sin of pride, namely secret combinations, brought down both the Jaredite and the Nephite civilizations and has been and will yet be the cause of the fall of many nations. (See Ether 8:18–25.)

Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride.

Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away. Contention ranges from a hostile spoken word to worldwide conflicts. The scriptures tell us that “only by pride cometh contention.” (Prov. 13:10; see also Prov. 28:25.)

The scriptures testify that the proud are easily offended and hold grudges. (See 1 Ne. 16:1–3.) They withhold forgiveness to keep another in their debt and to justify their injured feelings.

The proud do not receive counsel or correction easily. (See Prov. 15:10; Amos 5:10.) Defensiveness is used by them to justify and rationalize their frailties and failures. (See Matt. 3:9; John 6:30–59.)

The proud depend upon the world to tell them whether they have value or not. Their self-esteem is determined by where they are judged to be on the ladders of worldly success. They feel worthwhile as individuals if the numbers beneath them in achievement, talent, beauty, or intellect are large enough. Pride is ugly. It says, “If you succeed, I am a failure.”

If we love God, do His will, and fear His judgment more than men’s, we will have self-esteem.

Pride is a damning sin in the true sense of that word. It limits or stops progression. (See Alma 12:10–11.) The proud are not easily taught. (See 1 Ne. 15:3, 7–11.) They won’t change their minds to accept truths, because to do so implies they have been wrong.

Pride adversely affects all our relationships—our relationship with God and His servants, between husband and wife, parent and child, employer and employee, teacher and student, and all mankind. Our degree of pride determines how we treat our God and our brothers and sisters. Christ wants to lift us to where He is. Do we desire to do the same for others?

Pride fades our feelings of sonship to God and brotherhood to man. It separates and divides us by “ranks,” according to our “riches” and our “chances for learning.” (3 Ne. 6:12.) Unity is impossible for a proud people, and unless we are one we are not the Lord’s. (See Mosiah 18:21; D&C 38:27; D&C 105:2–4; Moses 7:18.)

Think of what pride has cost us in the past and what it is now costing us in our own lives, our families, and the Church.

Think of the repentance that could take place with lives changed, marriages preserved, and homes strengthened, if pride did not keep us from confessing our sins and forsaking them. (See D&C 58:43.)

Think of the many who are less active members of the Church because they were offended and their pride will not allow them to forgive or fully sup at the Lord’s table.

Think of the tens of thousands of additional young men and couples who could be on missions except for the pride that keeps them from yielding their hearts unto God. (See Alma 10:6; Hel. 3:34–35.)

Think how temple work would increase if the time spent in this godly service were more important than the many prideful pursuits that compete for our time.

Pride affects all of us at various times and in various degrees. Now you can see why the building in Lehi’s dream that represents the pride of the world was large and spacious and great was the multitude that did enter into it. (See 1 Ne. 8:26, 33; 1 Ne. 11:35–36.)

Pride is the universal sin, the great vice. Yes, pride is the universal sin, the great vice.

The antidote for pride is humility—meekness, submissiveness. (See Alma 7:23.) It is the broken heart and contrite spirit. (See 3 Ne. 9:20; 3 Ne. 12:19; D&C 20:37; D&C 59:8; Ps. 34:18; Isa. 57:15; Isa. 66:2.) As Rudyard Kipling put it so well:

The tumult and the shouting dies;

The captains and the kings depart.

Still stands thine ancient sacrifice,

An humble and a contrite heart.

Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,

Lest we forget, lest we forget.

(Hymns, 1985, no. 80.)

God will have a humble people. Either we can choose to be humble or we can be compelled to be humble. Alma said, “Blessed are they who humble themselves without being compelled to be humble.” (Alma 32:16.)

Let us choose to be humble.

We can choose to humble ourselves by conquering enmity toward our brothers and sisters, esteeming them as ourselves, and lifting them as high or higher than we are. (See D&C 38:24; D&C 81:5; D&C 84:106.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by receiving counsel and chastisement. (See Jacob 4:10; Hel. 15:3; D&C 63:55; D&C 101:4–5; D&C 108:1; D&C 124:61, 84; D&C 136:31; Prov. 9:8.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by forgiving those who have offended us. (See 3 Ne. 13:11, 14; D&C 64:10.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by rendering selfless service. (See Mosiah 2:16–17.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by going on missions and preaching the word that can humble others. (See Alma 4:19; Alma 31:5; Alma 48:20.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by getting to the temple more frequently.

We can choose to humble ourselves by confessing and forsaking our sins and being born of God. (See D&C 58:43; Mosiah 27:25–26; Alma 5:7–14, 49.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by loving God, submitting our will to His, and putting Him first in our lives. (See 3 Ne. 11:11; 3 Ne. 13:33; Moro. 10:32.)

Let us choose to be humble. We can do it. I know we can.

My dear brethren and sisters, we must prepare to redeem Zion. It was essentially the sin of pride that kept us from establishing Zion in the days of the Prophet Joseph Smith. It was the same sin of pride that brought consecration to an end among the Nephites. (See 4 Ne. 1:24–25.)

Pride is the great stumbling block to Zion. I repeat: Pride is the great stumbling block to Zion.

We must cleanse the inner vessel by conquering pride. (See Alma 6:2–4; Matt. 23:25–26.)

We must yield “to the enticings of the Holy Spirit,” put off the prideful “natural man,” become “a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord,” and become “as a child, submissive, meek, humble.” (Mosiah 3:19; see also Alma 13:28.)

That we may do so and go on to fulfill our divine destiny is my fervent prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.