Discussion Board
- As
a married person, what are some wise precautions you will take to
safeguard your marriage from infidelity?
I
want to remember the PowerPoint that shared the “Progression of Unfaithfulness.”
I really liked the steps listed to help us see how something so innocent can
lead a person away from their partner and cause the relationship to become
severed.
–
Behaviors that seem innocent (i.e.,
missionary work, doing good, helping in some capacity)
–
An affection grows that claims part of one’s heart
–
Extramarital flirting. Justification-“no harm intended”
–
Relationship declared as “special”
–
Opportunities created to see “special friend”
(One worries what others will say/think)
–
Excuses made, lies told to hide time and resources
spent on other person
–
Spouse is
displaced. Emotional intimacy exchanged with “special friend”
–
Faultfinding
with spouse
–
Fantasies
about other person
–
Physical
affection– a squeeze, a kiss, a hug
–
Sexual
relations
- In
marriage, what will you do to help protect yourself and your spouse from
the damaging influence of pornography?
Marriage
is a sacred union that comes from joining two people in a temple sealing. It is
an eternal principle, a godhood principle. This union provides strength and
power from on high. We have been endowed with the power to have our union stand
the test of time and I would say it can stand the test of trials too. It was
declared in The Book of Mormon, in 1 Nephi 3:7 that “…the Lord
giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way
for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.” God
has prepared a way for each one of us to obey His commandments. It is not that
He will only prepare a way for us if we immediately obey. He has prepared a way
for us to fulfill His commandments even when we have strayed. When we stray, we
are able to repent and turn to Him. There are many evils in the world, which
one being a very potent weapon of the adversary is pornography. It can ensnare
anyone, man or woman. It can take hold of that person and not only damage the
user, but it can damage surrounding loved ones. It is something that the world
accepts as “normal,” but this mentality or acceptance doesn’t stop the bad
influence it can cause. The way we can protect ourselves from pornography is to
use prevention techniques and if pornography does invade a relationship, that
couple can rise above it by using the intervention plan of the atonement. The
person can repent and turn unto Christ and towards his/her family. An important
thing to remember is that the prevention and intervention plan is somewhat
similar. Each requires us to turn to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. If we
seek to follow their teachings, then we can build up a spiritual reserve that
will help us to overcome the temptations of the adversary that seeks to take a
hold of our hearts. We need to always turn to the Savior. The other thing is to
build up the relationship. A relationship can only become strong if both are
giving all of their energy, time, and talents to building it up. If a person is
caught in the snare of pornography, then they are not cleaving unto their
spouse as the scriptures instruct. A person needs to be proactive in seeking to
give total allegiance, devotion, and attention to their spouse. The energy and attention
given to the spouse will be a safeguard against giving attention to pornography
or even a person. Infidelity can be emotional or physical. The damage that can
come is a loss of trust. Restoring trust in a relationship is hard to do and it
can take a long time.
The
damage can be extensive for all involved:
The
State of the Nation Report: Fractured Families gives some great information on
the topic. I think a couple needs to be prepared with information on what to
look for and what can result from someone having this type of addiction. It
gives details of what can happen:
·
Normalization of
adverse reactions to offensive material;
•
Developing tolerance toward sexually explicit material, thereby requiring more
novel or bizarre material to achieve the same level of arousal or interest;
•
Misperceptions of exaggerated sexual activity in the general populace;
•
Overestimating the prevalence of less common sexual practices (e.g., group sex,
bestiality, and sadomasochistic activity);
•
Diminished trust in intimate partners;
•
Abandoning the goal of sexual exclusivity with a partner;
•
Perceiving promiscuity as a normal state of interaction;
•
Perceiving sexual inactivity as constituting a health risk;
•
Developing cynical attitudes about love;
•
Believing superior sexual satisfaction is attainable without having affection
for one’s partner;
•
Believing marriage is sexually confining;
•
Believing that raising children and having a family is as an unattractive
prospect; and
•
Developing a negative body image, especially for women.
Some of the problems pornography can
lead to:
•
Distorted view of women and sexual relationship, including normalising unusual
and deviant sexual practices
•
Secretive and addictive behaviour
•
Marriage problems, including loss of trust and respect, and sometimes one
partner being forced into acts they are not happy with
•
Financial difficulties, including in extreme cases, loss of job. Increasingly
employers are monitoring their employees’ use of the Internet. If you are
accessing pornography at work, your employer may bring disciplinary proceedings
leading to dismissal
•
Loss of attention towards family - spouse and children
•
Children seeing pornography on the computer, which may develop unhealthy
attitudes towards sex and women
•
Other “cybersex” activities, including on and offline meetings with others
•
Guilt and feelings of low self-esteem
•
Crimes, including accessing child pornography
These are only a few, but
the risks involved are worth learning and being educated about. The more a
couple is equipped with knowledge the better they will be to safeguard against
such issues.
"The State of the Nation Report: Fractured Families." December
2006; Appendix 5: Pornography, sexual infidelity and family breakdown.
- What are the most important prophetic
teachings on physical intimacy you want to remember?
“The first commandment given to man was
to multiply and replenish the earth with children. That commandment have never
been altered, modified, or cancelled. The Lord did not say to multiply and
replenish the earth if it is convenient, or if you are wealthy, or after you
have gotten your schooling, or when there is peace on earth, or until you have
four children. The Bible says, ‘Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord:…Happy
is the man that hath his quiver full of them…’ (Ps. 127:3,5.) We believe God is
glorified by having numerous children and a program of perfection for them. So
also will God glorify that husband and wife who have a large posterity and who
have tried to raise them up in righteousness.”
- Elder Ezra Taft Benson, Conference Report, Apr. 1969, 12.
I like this quote because
it shows how intimacy is more than involving the two individuals. It involves
God, the couple, and their future children. This mentality goes beyond what the
world sees. It is more glorious as well. The world views intimacy as a
one-night stand or a fulfillment or gratification of a single individual. The
focus is selfish. Intimacy was created for the union of a woman and a man and
for that union to extend unto creating children. When you take marriage out of
the equation as the world has done it has led to many problems and broken
homes. When a couple sees beyond themselves and looks at the bigger picture,
their decisions impact them, but many others including God and their children.
If we follow God’s pattern, then we will surely be able to create a home for
our family that abounds in love and peace. Those are the blessings of the
Father. He bestows happiness and peace upon those who obey His commands. He not
only blesses the couple, but the children who belong to that couple. This earth
was created for families. The Plan of Salvation was created for families.
Families is central to God’s plans and goals for His children. He desires us
all to come back to live with Him as families. It makes sense that intimacy or
union of the couple is the foundation for a family. If the parents are united,
then they can raise their kids together using their unique roles and gifts. All
of it comes together as one complete whole. A couple joined together become
one. Children are born to that couple and become one family. It is part of the
beautiful plan of our Father. He has designed it the way He has because it
works and because it produces the greatest joy leads us to eternal life.
