Gottman's and Goddard's books

What is the most important thing you learned from Gottman's book?
          Gottman's book was a great read for me because it helped me to learn some new things that I had not thought of before. I have always felt that communication in marriage is very important. However, Gottman explains how friendship is the foundation that is needed before communication can even be attempted. I felt that Gottman went over in detail how to reestablish this friendship if it has been lost. He explains that love maps need to be enhanced, we need to nurture fondness and admiration, we need to turn toward each other instead of away, we needto let our partner influence us, we need to cope and solve problems together as a couple, we can overcome gridlock by following the steps that he suggests, and we need to create meaning. All of these with the myraid of other suggestions within the main sugegstions were given. The feedback I needed was to focus on my husband's virtues, sacrifice for him, and seek to connect with him by valuing him "...during the grind of everyday life" (Gottman, p. 80). Turning to my husband is something that I will continue to do. I want to continue to check in and be there for him. I know that by focusing on his strengths and giving more appreciation for him that I will find greater love in my marriage. I will be able to rid myself of the four horsemen of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. I need to be proactive, instead of reactive. When a conflict or gridlock arises, I can remember that there is an underlying interest, goal, or dream that I am seeking to protect without even realizing it. As I become aware, I will be able to change for the better, which will in turn provide help me improve my contribution to my marriage.

What is the most important thing you learned from Goddard's book?
    The most important thing that I learned from Goddard's book is about applying the gospel in my life and focusing on the virtues of my husband. I need to change my heart in order to improve my marriage.
Goddard states,
"So the message of research and the gospel are the same: We should enjoy and appreciate our partners. We should forgive them of their humanness. The single most promising marriage-fixing effort is not tinkering with our partner's characters; it is in loving, cherishing, and appreciating them!...Good marriage partners become serious talent scouts. In fact, like good parents who exaggerate their children's good qualities, good marriage partners are likely to exaggerate their spouses' strengths."
"Instead, what would happen if we dropped all charges against those around us and, for their sakes, happily sacrificed all bitter satisfaction, all retribution, all demand for repayment, all vengeance without regret or second thoughts." He continues by saying, "We need more than a set of skills for expressing discontent and requesting changes. We need a change of heart. the only way to build a truly healthy marriage is by being a truly good person-to be changed in our very natures."
These quotes among many more help to illustrate that marriage comes from two people becoming one. We are to turn to each other and to Christ who will help our marriage become strong. If we are hit with a flare up of the natural man tendencies (our cellar rats come out), then we can remember the instructions that Christ has given. He has invited us to come unto Him and change. We can sacrifice our natural man responses or reactions by choosing a better way. We can sacrifice or give our sins to the Lord. He wants us to come unto him humbly and ask for help in overcoming our sins and mistakes. He has atoned for the sins of all of us. He knows what we are dealing with and how to overcome them. He knows how to help replace them or convert them into gospel principles that can become a strength unto us. We can develop and grow in the gospel and see it go from a deficit to a great asset. We will see it go from a habit to a character trait. Others will see us and they will see a reflection of Christ in our lives. This will heal not only our hearts and lives, but the heart of our marriage as well. Christ truly wants all of us to succeed. He has the best way to achieve success in this life, in marriage, and in the life to come. If we turn to Him, we will be saved and so will our marriages.