Cherishing Your Spouse

Our reading was so great that there were so many things that I felt were necessary to include in this discussion board post. Feel free to read them or pass them up to my comments.

Once married, we quickly learn that sacrifice (giving up something very important and meaningful to you) becomes necessary for a close, strong marriage. For those who are married, what sacrifices have you willingly made for the sake of your marriage or spouse? How has the sacrifice impacted your marriage? Here is another question that will require soul-searching, humility, and charity: What sacrifice are you currently withholding in marriage that if given willingly, would touch your spouse or your marriage in an important way?

Goddard: Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, Chapter 2: Obedience and Sacrifice-Willing to Submit to All Things.

Quotes from reading:

“Afflictions are the process by which God cultivates growth. Rather than dread our difficulties, we can learn to welcome them. We can learn to see them as blessings from heaven”

“In every relationship there is an inevitable tension. It is often worse in marriage than other relationships, in part because we share so much—money, time, food, space—even our own bodies.”

“As we are challenged to form our own little Zion, the natural man resists.”

“…every day we decide anew whether to live by the guidelines of the mind of Christ or the imperatives of the natural man.”

“…God has required us to make sacrifices if we are to enjoy that which is most valuable.”

“You will have all kinds of trials to pass through. And it is quite as necessary for you to be tried as it was for Abraham and other men of God, and God will feel after you, and He will take hold of you and wrench your very heart strings, and if you cannot stand it you will not be fit for an inheritance in the Celestial Kingdom of God.”

We must make sacrifices, “soul-stretching payments.”

“The willingness to put our preferences on the altar in obedience to God and service of our partner is a sacrifice filled with grace and truth—goodness and eternal vision. Our sacrifices are the key to our growth and eternal possibilities.”

“Character and companionship do not come without consistent investment. Yet, if we continue to make payments on our relationship, we will be amazed what we get for our ‘sacrifices’.

We ‘sacrifice’ our puny preferences and God rewards us with eternal joy. What a bargain! In Heaven’s economy, so much is gotten for so little!”

“…Jesus is not asking that we be depressed and miserable. I think He is asking that we surrender our demands that things be done our way. In place of being demanding we become agreeable, submissive, cooperative, and appreciative. This is the natural result of allowing Jesus to transform the natural man to the man of Christ.”

“Often we hold our partner to some set of mythical standards (which are both unreasonable and unexpressed!). Inevitably he or she falls short. We feel discontent. We judge our companion as flawed or inferior. Over time this subtle discontent grows into the cancerous assurance that our partner is fatally flawed. With time we can easily convince ourselves that the marriage was a mistake. The cure for cancerous expectations is humble submission—a broken heart and a contrite spirit. This mindset helps us to be better appreciators and more willing leaners. If we listen carefully and learn about our partners’ point of view, we will be enlarged and enriched.”

“We do ALL that we do in the name of the beloved Son. We do it in the spirit of redemptiveness. We do it as a small but meaningful imitation of His sacrifice.” We show our willingness to rescue our spouse by giving up our tiny preferences in favor of our spouse’s blessing.”

“Applying these principles to marriage requires inspiration. Obedience entails a willingness to keep the commandments—whether our partner does or not. Obedience means that we love God with all our hearts. Obedience also requires that we ‘love [our spouse] with all [our] heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else’ (D&C 42:22). “

“But we soon find that our traditions, expectations, assumptions, and ways of life do not line up. The more time that passes, the more clear the differences.”

The Lord “…will help us create new, better family traditions and learn to enjoy the spices that our partners enjoy.”

“There is real danger in talk of sacrifice of self and preferences. Godly sacrifice is quite a different thing from the world’s kind of submission—giving in and giving up. Passivity is not what God is after. In the world we often encourage people to move from passive compliance to self-respect: ‘Stand up for yourself!’ What we often fail to recognize in the secular world is that there is a level that is still higher than self-respect; it is God-respect. Submitting to God is quite a different thing from being a doormat.”

“Tzvetan Todorov, a social commentator, invites us to think differently: ‘To care about someone does not mean sacrificing one’s time and energy for that person. It means devoting them to the person and taking joy in doing so; in the end, one feels richer for one’s efforts, not poorer.”

“Repentance is simply the process by which we shed the world’s inferior ways and embrace God’s superior ways.”

“When people are upset and angry, they are blind to any position but their own…when people are happy, they communicate adequately….Rather than looking at marriage as a skill issue, let’s consider it as a heart matter. Most adults communicate quite well with other adults when their hearts are soft and they respect one another.”

“We cannot have our eyes on our partner and ourselves at the same time.”

“Obedience and sacrifice, loyalty and love, fidelity and family, all appear in eternal perspective.”

“We can see ourselves reacting in the old way, choose to place our desires on the altar, and beg God to purify them. Then we make a new plan. We bring faith, obedience and sacrifice to the planning.”

My comments:

            I really enjoyed all of our reading and video assignments for this week. I love the principles taught by Gottman as he explains the importance of enhancing love maps and nurturing fondness and admiration in one’s marriage. I also appreciated the chapter on obedience and sacrifice in Goddard’s book. I chose to comment most on Goddard’s book because I feel that his instructions hit home for me.

What sacrifices have you willingly made for the sake of your marriage or spouse?

            The sacrifices that I am willing to make for the sake of my marriage are my sins. I have weaknesses that cause me to stumble and harm my relationship with my husband. I have difficulty with impulse control and anger issues. I feel that if I am able to sacrifice these aspects of my character and replace them with principles of the gospel such as love, understanding, self-control/mastery, patience, and more Christ like characteristics that there is a chance that it will not only transform my character, but also my relationship with my husband. I feel that the “dragging weight of sin” slows or halts my progression and development, not only individually, but collectively as well. It hinders my ability of drawing closer to my Savior and my husband. I cannot become united with them if I am hung up on myself. If I am self-absorbed, there is not room for them to have their influence. I want to remain open and humble, so that I am able to receive what they have to share and I in turn can share my strengths with them. I know that as I obey the commandments of God and repent when I have gone astray that I will be able to fulfill my divine potential and see my marriage flourish.

The dragging weight of sin line comes from James E. Talmage’s book, Jesus the Christ. He describes Christ, “He garnered knowledge by study, and gained wisdom by prayer, thought, and effort. Beyond question He was trained to labor, for idleness was abhorred then as it is now; and every Jewish boy, whether carpenter’s son, peasant’s child, or rabbi’s heir, was required to learn and follow a practical and productive vocation. Jesus was all that a boy should be, for His development was unretarded by the dragging weight of sin; He loved and obeyed the truth and therefore was free.”

I love this quote because it shows how Christ didn’t allow sin to hinder him. He was able to progress continuously because of his sacrifice and obedience to the commandments of God. He was able to enjoy the fruits of his labors that were of a spiritual and eternal nature. He gained greater knowledge and deeper understanding of eternal principles because He didn’t allow the natural man to overcome Him. He overcame the natural man. His example shows us the way to how we can overcome the natural man as well. By following His example, I too can be released from the bondage of sin, of impulsiveness and anger. If I am able to let these go, putting them on the altar, Christ will in turn give me self-control/mastery and calmness. He paid my debt for these sins. If I am able to let them go, then I will be able to fully experience the power of the atonement in my life. It will fill me with light and I can stand firmly planted in the gospel principles which will bless my life and the lives of others.