My husband and I stay connected in many ways each and every day. I will discuss them in more detail by using Gottman’s “bids for attention” as associated with the discussion board question:
What are the “bids for attention” you or someone close to you use to turn toward one another? When a bid for attention is given, how readily do you pick up on it and respond by engaging with your spouse/other person in a discussion or activity?
As I do that I will also explain how these little actions impact my relationship.
From Gottman’s book, pg. 81, I will use the “bids for attention” as they apply to my relationship.
| Bids for attention | Impact on my relationship |
| I look forward to spending my free time with my partner. | Having this excitement to see my husband gives me something to look forward to each day, especially when I am having a bad day. I know that I can trust that he will be there and provide needed support. |
| At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me. | I am glad that I can know that my husband still likes me after all these years and we still feel “butterflies” for each other. His reaction helps me to feel secure in our relationship. |
| My partner is usually interested in hearing my views. | Knowing that my husband will listen to, respect, and ask my opinion is a big deal. He strives to include me because he sees that my different perspective could enhance his own and vice versa. We continue to grow because we let the other influence us. |
| I really enjoy discussing things with my partner. | I am eager to talk to my husband about things because I know that he will have a great insight that I might not think of. I know that talking with him will help me grow and learn something new. |
| My partner is one of my best friends. | My husband is my best friend forever. That sounds cliché but it is true in every sense. He has stood by my side through so much. Our bond gives me the confidence in his loyalty and reliability. It allows me to know I can go to him for anything, even when I make a mistake. |
| I think my partner would consider me a very close friend. | My husband is open and honest with me, which I greatly appreciate. He tells me how it is in a gentle loving way, which helps me to see my weaknesses and receive support from him to overcome them. |
| We just love talking to each other. | Knowing that I can strike up a conversation with my husband about anything makes me feel comfort and peace. I know that we can share anything and just enjoy the topic regardless of what it is. |
| When we go out together, the time goes very quickly. | It saddens me how little time we get together, but the quality of the time we spend tends to make time go by so fast. I am fulfilled with happiness and satisfaction with the time we do get together. |
| We always have a lot to say to each other. | Trent and I can talk about so much together and we can have very long conversations because it starts with one thing and leads to other topics. Our topics are interconnected because it covers all aspects of our lives together. |
| We have a lot of fun together. | We can usually have fun in anything that we do if we are together. If we are cleaning, studying, shopping, and more. We make every situation fun because we value being happy, especially together. Having fun reinforces us liking the time we have each other. |
| We are spiritually very compatible. | Sharing spiritual experiences truly enhances our relationship on a whole new level. It deepens our convictions and our commitment to one another. We strive to live gospel principles and we observe how one another does this and it helps us learn how to improve. |
| We tend to share the same basic values. | We share values, which helps us to work together as a team. There are some differing values, but we respect and honor our spouse’s desires. We try to consider what is important and seek to make it important to us. We find that there is less conflict and more harmony or unity. Even if there was conflict, we would talk it out constructively and find a reasonable solution. |
| We like to spend time together in similar ways. | We have similar interests which makes it easier to find fun things to do. It is nice that we can come up with an idea or contribute ideas. |
| We really have a lot of common interests. | We share a lot in common. Our common interests lead to successful outcomes, yet we remain open to new ideas or activities. We love trying new things together. |
| We have many of the same dreams and goals. | We are able to work together, which binds us together in the goals. When we are committed together, then we are not competing. We are finding solutions together and working together. It feels good to have support and friendship as we go forward. When we face hardship, we do so together which helps to alleviate the burden. |
| We like to do a lot of the same things. | We do enjoy the same things, but we value differences and celebrate them. |
| Even though our interests are somewhat different, I enjoy my partner’s interests. | We like to do what the other is interested in, even if it isn’t our favorite. We do so because we care deeply for the other’s happiness. We have a good balance though. |
| Whatever we do together, we usually tend to have a good time. | We enjoy living life together. It builds up our happiness. |
| My partner tells me when he or she has had a bad day. | My husband can share his joys and fears with me and I with him. We are able to provide the needed support that helps to alleviate the pain or to celebrate the good times. It is nice knowing I have someone to share everything with because I am able to feel secure and be open. |
Overall, my husband and I turn to each other every day. It truly enriches my life and deepens the bond we share. I can’t imagine my life without him. He really is the best part of my day. He inspires me to become a better person. I know that I will receive love, support, guidance, and protection from him each and every day. I know I can trust him and rely upon him whenever I need him. He often foresees moments when I need him before I even realize it. He is already there to lend an ear or a hand. He truly thinks about me in every decision he makes. When we turn to each other, it helps us become one or united. It is a glorious and heavenly experience that is hard to describe, but the best thing ever. The effort and time to do it is worth it because it blesses our lives individually and collectively. It blesses our marriage for time and all eternity.
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